Sunday, March 17, 2013

Project Runway, Season 11, Episode 8: It's Reigning Men! Hallelujah!!

Greetings, Project Runway Watchers!

I'm no longer assuming that you're all fans and after this week's fiasco and who could blame you?  This week's challenge was "menswear."  If you were anything like me, you were having flashbacks to the Project Runway Opera, Carmen,

It's about a young seamstress in Season 4 named who is asked to produce a suitable on-air look for then, NBC on-air personality, Tiki Barber.  Things ended miserably.
This is Project Runway, however, and we don't dwell in the past, right?  For this week's challenge, Tim had a twist of...universal proportions!

Tim: "Designers, we have a very special challenge this week.  Here's Angelo Cardinal Sodano, Dean of the College of Cardinals to tell you more about it."

Cardinal Sodano: "The Roman Catholic Church is over 2,000 years old.  As you may be aware, it has been a rough few years for our Cardinals.  We were thinking that an image makeover is exactly what we need."
Tim: "Designers, you will be divided into two teams.  You four on the left and you four on the right.  You have 30 hours and $300.  Use the Lord and Taylor Accessory Wall most thoughtfully.  Good luck!"
Right away, things got off to a rough start.

Team Prematurely Grey had Cardinal Arinze of Nigeria.

Cardinal Arinze: "I've seen this show.  You're going to make me wear something shiny, short and too tight, aren't you?"
Team Hip Replacement didn't do much better.  They had Cardinal Dolan of New York and had to work around his 24-7 lecture and interview schedule.

But Amanda refused to be deterred.
Hip Replacment argued over fabric.

Samantha: "Men of a certain age look so much better in tweed."
Richard: "Time's a-wastin.  We less than 24 hours now and let's face it, we're not the best sewers.  Let's get flannel."
Back in the workroom, Richard struggled to make sense of Amanda's hasty, on-the-fly measurements.

"I work out.  My arm has GOT to be bigger than some old Nigerian guy...."
Team Prematurely Grey struggled with their design.

Daniel: "We're thinking of modernizing the robe to the point of being post-modern."
Tim: "What does that mean?"
Daniel: "A robe with clean lines."
Tim: "How is that modern?"
Daniel: "Think...Thom Browne..."
Tim: "With your team's skills, I'm dubious.  Whatever you do, don't feminize the Cardinals!"
Designers struggled for another few hours until Tim came in with another announcement.

"Designers, something completely unexpected has happened.  Pope Benedict VI just resigned.  I wasn't even aware a Pope could resign.  It's something that hasn't happened in 600 years.  Nevertheless, we must carry on.  We are replacing the Cardinals with male strippers from Australia.  Make it work!"
"You realize, Amanda, that none of your bad measurements on the Cardinal are going to work on this guy, don't you?"
Not everyone was unhappy about the model change.

"It's so much more fun fitting you than some old, fat Cardinal!"
With the impossibly tight times for menswear and refitting, Stan resorted to prayer.

And others had nervous breakdowns.

So how did our designers do?

The Romans in St. Peter's Square looked on in horror, outrage and disbelief.

Since the judges couldn't decide who to kick off, the Cardinals who had arrived in Rome met for an emergency conclave....

and voted Amanda off.

Oh, Amanda, don't feel sad.  You managed to get the boot on THE MOST RIDICULOUS CHALLENGE IN PROJECT RUNWAY HISTORY.  

You didn't think I was going to spend a moment of time critiquing hastily produced, poorly fitting garments did you?  But since I don't want to disappoint my readers, I'll simply say that they were all crap.

See you next week for what I hope is a better challenge.


  1. Hilarious review! After three days of the runway fiasco i'm still laughing about "Shades of Grey" models stripping. Not wondering anymore why Nina was laughing out loud

  2. Another wonderfully humorous blog.