Sunday, February 3, 2013

Project Runway Season 11, Episode 2: Spin Zone

Greetings, Project Runway Fans!

I am having a dream....

It's a wonderful dream...

and I can keep having this dream without interruption because.......wait...what?

"Listen, blogger, snap out of it.  Who's the star of this episode after all?"
This week was all about Spin, a ping pong club in New York City owned by Susan Sarandon.

She really does play ping pong.
The club is just like a pool hall or bowling alley, except with ping pong tables.

Happy hipsters playing table tennis.
You'll note that I prefer "ping pong" to "table tennis."  I associate Ping with a much happier time on Project Runway before we had these teams with all their drama.

"Happier time?  Are you freaking kidding me?"
The premise of this week's challenge was to produce a uniform that the employees at Spin could wear.  Here's were we enter....the Spin Zone.  You see, although the designers interviewed both male and female employees, there was no instruction that there be a male/female/unisex look.  As the judges mulled through each design, you could see them giving extra points to some of the ones that could be worn by either sex.  Despite that, in the end, they chose a female look for the win.

Susan joined the judge's panel this week and they called each other up to coordinate outfits.
It's too early in the competition to care about who won and lost and why so let's just say

Daniel let Ilayna win and
"Wait...I prefer not to be called a 'loser' but a 'non-winner.'"
You know, James, I agree.  I think this week, EVERYONE'S A WINNER in the Spin Zone.

Stanley wins the award for Most Ball Room in the Crotch.
And we learned this week, that Zac Posen likes his crotches high.

Kate and Patricia win the award for Most Types of Textiles used in One Garment.  It's also known as the Swatchy.

Joseph and Richard win "Best Place to Put your Ball Net".

Amanda wins "Outfit Most Likely to be Worn by a Customer".
 Daniel and Ilayna win the "Outfit that Made the Judges Lie About their Childhood" award.

This outfit featured a skort (skirt in the front/short in the back...the mullet of garments.)  The skort has been popular throughout the latter half of the 20th century.  I wore them when I was a tyke and Susan is older than I am, so I know she's familiar with them.  No one would cop to knowing what a skort was, so Daniel and Ilayna were declared to be geniuses and given the win.

Daniel almost lost it for the duo with his overthinking.  He observed the "trajectory of the ball's bounce and incorporated it into the design."  Hence, the asymmetrical squiggly collar and the asymmetrical back.  It's physics, people.  Ilayna saved the day with her handy pocket in the front.  Every waitress wants one!

It was at this point in the judging when Heidi said she didn't like scantily clad waiters and waitresses.  Don't expect to see Heidi at the next table in Hooters.

 Benjamin and Matthew win the "Thank You for Waking Up This Competition" award.

The judges seemed insulted by this entry.  Susan was offended by the placement of the "ball bag."  Really?  She came up with the logo, not the designers.

I think the kilt was a grand idea, but the execution was just a little off.  The wide pleats in the back should have also been used in the front for a more uniform look.  The top should have been a bit more formal, with sleeves, perhaps.  Had this been an impeccable kilt, they might have still cast doubt on its utility, but they would have had to admit it was well made.

Heidi also wasn't fond of the prospect of being waited on by a guy in a sleeveless shirt.  She's just not fond of seeing hairy armpits while she's eating.

Samantha and Tu win the "Maybe We Should Have Fit the Model Better" award. 

Whoa, that bodice is tight.  They completely forgot to factor in any breast area so the front gapped open, revealing the bra underneath.  That exposure was completely unintentional.  The circle in the back was just trying to hard to be literal with the design.   Unfortunately, it was just made the bad fit more obvious.  They did provide the waitress with a handy pocket.

Cindy and Benjamin win the "This Would Be a Nice Design for a Different Challenge" award.
Please judges, don't tell me that you could walk into any store and find a jacket like this right off the rack.  You don't shop in the stores that I frequent.  You can't find any jackets with the kind of seaming that nips in the waist so nicely.  The contrasting shades of brown were really distinctive to me.  All that talk about how dowdy the jacket looked was bullpucky as far as I was concerned.  Unfortunately, not only was the jacket completely wrong for this challenge, it was paired up with UPS shorts.  I expected to see her with an electronic clipboard and a dolly full of boxes.  I really stopped paying attention halfway through the judging, so it was unclear to me whether Cindy was almost booted off for designing the shorts, coming up with the idea of a jacket, or just being so matronly that her persona colored the judges' perception of her outfit.

 Michelle made the "Outfit that Most Matches What Heidi Has On."

Talk about dowdy!  Very little mention was made about how completely unflattering this looks.  Perhaps Nina said, "sad" at one point.  I can't remember.  The scribbles in the back are supposed to mimic the graphics in the logo of the club.  The wide collar provides some protection from Heidi's glaring eyes as another sleeveless waitress who probably didn't shave under her arms brings food to the table.

But the winner of the award for losing goes to....

 James for his winning entry in the "You Forgot This Was a Design Competition" challenge.

Not only was the sleeveless (Yuck!  Your hairy underarm is dripping sweat into Heidi's food!) shirt poorly sewn, its graphics speak nothing of bouncing balls and ping pong fun.   The shiny denim shorts are a crime and would look universally horrible on everyone.   Way to tuck the logo on to the rear pockets, so that everyone stares at his ass.

For those of you who still care, the Dream team lost another member and Keeping It Real won this week.

Well, that's it for this week's Project Ping Pong Runway.  

"That's it?  Really?  I could beat these designers in a design contest AND at table tennis."
See you next week for another challenge.

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