Project Runway All-Stars Episode 8: Flag me Down!

Greetings, Project Runway Fans!

Sorry for the absence!  I took some time off to actually live a real life this past Thursday.  Let's get caught up.

We last left our contestants at the door to the United Nations.

This episode had so much potential.

"Right...potential.  I'm watching Michael Costello drape another dress you can't wear with a 'brar.'"

Joanna darling, oh how I feel your pain.  One of the reasons I'm two weeks behind on this blog is because I've been logging some time recently with evening gowns.  The lady at the Macy's intimates counter told me that Macy's was going to phase out "specialty bras" in favor of of tapes and adhesive silicone blobs that stick to your front.  She directed me to a stack of pink boxes.  Ugh.

So good luck out there, ladies.  From the front, your infrastructure will look like you walked out of your hospital recovery room underneath all those fabulous designer clothes.  All the better to make it look like you and the dress are being held up with magic!

Let's see how our flag wavers did, shall we?

Austin Scarlett

Austin picked the Seychelles flag.

And he looked at it a lot.

I caught this episode late and could have sworn that Austin got the Swedish flag.  This dress was straight from the Austin Scarlett for Ikea collection...

Seriously, Miss Model, why are you so grumpy?  

I guess the other colors are in the belt and wrapped up in her hair.  I just wasn't impressed with this dress, which was nothing more than a pretty-ish gown.  The sloppily twisted straps added to the throw-away feel of this dress.  Why a gown, anyway?  Do they were gowns in the Saychelles?  I dunno....

Michael Costello

Mr. Costello had the Greek flag.

Oh there are a thousand things you could do with that.  Two colors...stripes...Imagine what Mila would have done with those stripes....

And Michael certainly came armed for the battle.

Michael Costello, doing his best Joshua McKinley imitation...

Great.  A toga.  How original.

Oh the draping was lovely from the front, if you could get past the tacky gift ribbon in the front.

"This draping provides a spectacular showcase for that tramp stamp you got in Cabo last Spring Break."

Well, actually, that's not what he said there, but that's what I heard.

Kenley Collins

I keep forgetting that Kenley is still here.  She's been so quiet this season.  She got the Chilean flag, last seen waving at some very lucky miners.

Not only did Kenley take it into a different direction, she managed to confuse Chile with Argentina in the process.

She talked about a tango reference to the skirt.  And while there's certainly tango in Chile, the Cueca is the national dance of Chile.  Oh well...it's a pretty enough dress.  Very Kenley.  She was admonished by Isaac this week for making the same style of dress over and over.

"I agree, Isaac.  I make excellent dresses over and over again."

And Isaac was on a bit of a tear this week over "same old same old" for the gals, at least.

Mila Hermanovski

This one plum pissed me off.  I won't deny it.

The Papua New Guinea flag is quite visually arresting.  Mila didn't try to read any cultural references into it, she just let the colors take her on a flight of fancy.

This really was the most interesting design that walked the runway in Episode 8.  Project Runway is a design competition...until it isn't and in Episode 8, it wasn't.  Not for Mila.  This dress caused a visceral reaction in Isaac.

"This dress says, 'Communism' to me."

"Really, Isaac?  Where did you get your degree in economics?  There is nothing proletarian about this dress."

Anyway, in a result that I simply refuse to acknowledge, Mila was booted off this week.

Jerell Scott

Jerell had India.  This was just asking for trouble...

This is a hoochie dress that accidentally collided with a sari.

The only positive comment anyone could come up with was a bit of faint praise for the white stripe down the sleeve.  This has "producer manipulation" written all over it.  How this kept Jerell in the competition is beyond me.  He could run a naked model carrying a bag of rags and win next week's competition.  I dunno...I'm beyond unimpressed with this mess of a dress.

Mondo Guerra

At some point, Mondo must have looked around, sized up the competition and figured he could simply win in a sleep-walk.  I'm pretty sure if you woke him up at 3 am and demanded he make you  a dress by 5 pm, this would be the dress you got.

Here's your winner, folks!  It's a dress that could represent any nation on earth because it's black!  Look at the superior construction.  Look at how non-literal it.....

what?

He had a flag?

Ah...Jamaica.

"Woot, there it is."

This episode was a big, fat bowl of "whatever."

Next episode promises electricity!  That should be exciting, no?