Project Runway All-Stars Episode 3: Silk Dresses and Sow's Ears....

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye!" --Miss Piggy, wearing Zac Posen

Greetings, Project Runway (All-Stars) fans!  This week was the much awaited Miss Piggy challenge.

"It's time to start the music, it's time to light the lights..."

I hoped that Miss Piggy herself would model the outfits.  You see, Miss Piggy can handle designer outfits.

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Miss Piggy in Burbury Prorsum, Christopher Bailey

Instead, the designers used their regular models and Miss Piggy was part of the judging panel.  This week, Isaac Mizrahi was missing from the panel.  Perhaps one diva was enough.  He was replaced by Eric Daman, costume designer for Gossip Girl and Sex in the City.  He had a nice rapport with  Miss Piggy.

As an aside, Ms. Georgina Chapman literally looked like Wilma Flintstone.

All she needed was a rock necklace.

The Muppets are all very cute and cuddly but they can become oh, so deliciously nasty when it comes to contest shows.  Cookie Monster and Elmo were brutal during Top Chef, so I was waiting for Miss Piggy to deliver her characteristically over-the-top insults.  Unfortunately, Eric Daman received the Karate chop and the most biting comments.  Pig's got a movie to promote, so she couldn't afford to be too mean to the designers.  So I guess that job is left to me!

Kara Janx - Dominatripig!

When Miss Piggy stars in the Muppet remake of Exit to Eden,  this will be the outfit to wear.

Actually, this is quite a smart little dress.  Is it Miss Piggy?  I don't know.  Do any of us know?  So you toss a pair of pink opera length gloves on and all of a sudden, your outfit is safe.  Perhaps if only a certain someone else had used the magic pink gloves she, too could have been safe and not in the bottom two this week.... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anthony Williams - The Thing with Feathers...

is not hope, but it may be a desperate attempt at glamour.

I'm not fond of them and I really don't think this is Miss Piggy's dress, either, however, it moved nicely on the runway and the back was drop, dead gorgeous.

April Johnston - Goth Minnie Mouse

Seriously.  Miss Piggy would wear this?  Really?

Toss some feathers on the shoulders and call it glamour?  I'm not seeing it.  The skirt emphasizes the widest part of the hip area.  This one would have been in  the bottom group had I been on the panel.

While I do admit that the back of the bodice is interesting, that bow is very distracting.  Speaking of bows...


Austin Scarlett: The Bows!

What the hell?

"The panels are very slimming."

No, really.  Austin, explain to me how you got from this (note his drawing of Miss Piggy's face)

to this...

because I'm just not getting it.  Seriously, Austin, please to explain.

"Miss Piggy was my inspiration for becoming a designer!"

Thanks, Austin.  You're no help whatsoever.  Judges?

Eric Daman: What do you expect from a man wearing a ridiculous bow tie?
Miss Piggy:  It's no more ridiculous than your sloppy ascot!

For some reason, Austin migrated from his planned full skirt to a more fitted dress.  Unfortunately, bows materialized, attacked the dress and refused to let go, just like the birds in the Hitchcock's thriller.  The horror!

My theory was that after looking at the flouncy skirts on the other designers' creations, he wanted his to stand out.  He succeeded, but not in a good way.

Kenley Collins: POUF!

"Blue dotted swiss or no blue dotted swiss?"

Kenley, you could have kept the blue dotted swiss.  It wouldn't have made any difference.  At one point, someone commented that another designer had no sense of whimsy when it came to designing for Miss Piggy.   Well, Kenley had that in spades.  She found the pink giraffe fabric in the whimsy aisle at Mood and ran away with it.

It's perfect for Miss Piggy, but would it be perfect for a promotional cocktail party?  Judges?

Eric Daman: Such a large head pouf could cover your ears.
Miss Piggy: I like to keep my ears uncovered so that I can BETTER HEAR YOUR INSULTS!

Mondo Guerra: Mad Pig

Mondo Guerra still works at Sterling-Cooper-Draper-Price....

The dress featured interesting origami folds along the bottom hem.  It was a cute look and Mondo is definitely in an interesting and consistent place this season.

Mila Hermanovski - Mod Pig

"I can definitely see your point of view."

This was one of my favorite looks last week, believe it or not!  How could it wind up in the bottom?

After all, we know Miss Piggy can totally rock a pair of boots.

Mila's outfit would have been a completely different character change for Miss Piggy and therein lies the problem.  If you're dressing for a cocktail party to promote a movie, don't you want to reflect your character in the movie somehow?  Perhaps this is too much of a departure, but I believe it's no more of a departure than any of the previous black looks we've seen.  Mila, you would not have been in my bottom two, but maybe you should have wrestled those pink opera length gloves out of Kara's hands!

Rami Kashou: Chick Chicky Boom!

Lifetime Network, delivering women's fantasies since 1982....

When the Muppets remake "Weekend In Havana" this can be Miss Piggy's dress.

I totally agreed with Georgina Chapman's remark about the seaming cutting off the polka dots.  It disrupts the flow and makes the final look very messy.  Here's the more important thing to me; it was not the dress Rami wanted to make.  He originally wanted to make a dress in a solid color with more flounces.

I think he fell in love with the polka dots and decided to cut back on the flounces in order to save time and let the pattern stand out.  It was probably a good decision with the fabric choice, but I think I would have preferred the outfit he planned to make.

Jerell Scott - Hot Pink Mess

Remember Molly Ringwald's weird prom dress in "Pretty In Pink"?

Well, Jerell spiced things up.  Again, nothing says glamor like feathers on the shoulders.  I think it's really sloppy and ill-fitting.

The lace and the eyelet fabric just don't go together for me.  Perhaps it was girlie enough that the judges decided to declare it safe.  It would have been toward the bottom, just above the weird garment Austin produced.  In his particular season, Jerell grew on me as that season went on.  This season, I'm just not liking his stuff at all.

Gordana Gehlhausen: Babydoll Lingerie 

It's such a shame.

We know Gordana is capable of making beautiful clothes, but this just seemed like she was giving up.  A cocktail dress has certain rules, by its nature.  It's short, since it's more informal than a gown.  They tend not to be diaphanous and flowing since cocktail parties are likely to be held in people's homes or nightclubs.  Having to navigate subways and cabs in a dress like this just isn't practical.  

This really did look like a nightgown.  It looked way too intimate and coquettish for a star like Miss Piggy to wear to a promotional cocktail party.  Setting the rules of the challenge aside (as the judges seemed to do) the dress was just too simple and did not show much personality, either Gordana's or Miss Piggy's.

So Gordana said bye-bye this week.

Michael Costello: Loop The Loop

Michael, once again, was the big winner!  Congrats to Michael!  This was one of my favorite looks and I'm very comfortable with his win.

Miss Piggy likes to make a scene.  Michael's fabric is shiny and the hat grabs your attention without requiring its own zip code.  The hat and the vertical bow in front add interest without too much bulk.  Yes the fabric looks stiff, but this is a cocktail party, not a dance party.  It's formal enough to wear to a promotional event and the body conscious shape gives it the sort of sophistication that a movie star would want to have.

I especially like that Michael didn't bathe her in pink.  She's already pink!  He chose a fabric that would compliment her coloring, but still be fun and feminine.  And he added some details, like the exposed zipper in the back, that would give Miss Piggy a bit of an edge.

After all, a diva doesn't want to be typecast.

See you next week for the 6-hour challenge.  If only Alexa Chung were guest hosting....