Friday, October 7, 2011

Project Runway Season 9, Episode 11: This is for the Birds

Once upon a Thursday dreary, contestants rather weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious challenge midst remnants on the floor,
While they waited, breath abated, Heidi bounded in, elated and
As the designers waited, stated, "Tim is standing outside Parson's door."
"It's only Tim," they muttered, "outside Parson's door."
"Only Tim, and nothing more."

Twas Tim with birds he brought along and with him, Mr. Collier Strong
From L'Oreal Paris--a make-up challenge--as in seasons before.
Birds in formation for inspiration, designers looked on with consternation.
"You will have three hundred dollars and just two days to do this chore.
"In teams of two, three hundred dollars and just two days to do this chore. 
"Let's head off to the fabric store."

"A team challenge?  Oh, not another!"  "The team members compete with each other,"
Tim explained, reassuringly to calm the designers' uproar,"
"The winner will be in Marie Claire."  "But so many others are already there,"
said the weary and jaded designers, "We demand you give us more!"
And Tim turned to the beleaguered producers, "Have you anything more?"
"Here's $20 K to settle the score."

Viktor and Kim were on the first team.  A cockatiel, all feathered in cream
Was assigned to inspire.  But while in the aisle of the store
Each chose a similar cloth, the color of milk when it's stirred into froth.

Each commenced an evening gown, and sewed their seams full-bore.
Hour after hour at sewing machines they sewed their seams full-bore
Their sewing fingers, very sore.

Amidst the ruffles, made slapdash, Viktor started talking trash.
His talent clearly oozing out of every single pore.
He seemed eager to compete; Kim would not be hard to beat.
His mad skills are simply just too impossible to ignore.
His stunning ruffled gown would be impossible to ignore.
And Kim's design would bore.

Kimberly had the biggest trouble, tribulations mounted double
Her finger cut, the fabric stained, her energy tapped to its core.

And though her spirits hit a valley, Tim said, "This is time to rally!"
"You have to make it work or Heidi will be showing you the door.
"So pull yourself together or you'll be walking out the door."
"You'll be on Project Runway nevermore."

A parrot with a bright green hue was assigned to Bert and Josh, those two
Who have been at each other's throats since they walked through Parson's door.
The color filled Bert with disgust.  The challenge left him quite non-plussed.

While Josh stocked up on lots of colored fabrics at the store.
He used a ton of colored fabric purchased at the store.
He used it up and then he asked for more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling Anya and Laura into smiling
At the dark and shiny feathers, something they could both adore.
For Laura, this beguiling raven seemed to be her fashion haven.

But Anya had no prints or pretty colors to explore.
Only black and sculptural shapes she would explore.

Try not to bore!

Much I marvelled these ungainly garments that were sewn so plainly,
Some treated so literally - others no resemblance bore.
But as each designer hurried, it was clear--producers worried
Over fugly garments that were going to walk the runway floor.
A sad parade of ugly garments walking down the runway floor.
They must do more.

The designers' puppet strings pulled by producers in the wings:
You're working on one garment; do one more!
And when designers so exhausted with one more twist they were accosted 
Cried out that these convoluted twists they did abhor.
These unnecessary convoluted twists they did abhor.
Twists?  Nevermore!

Then the models did complain that changing garments would cause strain.
"We're not Sheepdogs!  Changing garments is a chore!"
 Anya's model, in a pout, said, "There's no time to cut me out"
Of the first garment she'll send out on the floor.
So only one garment will walk out on the floor.
Just one, no more.

The disappointment welled in me that I would never get to see
Josh's crazy circle skirt walk down the runway floor.

Nor would I know which Bert would use, the mango fabric or the puce
On the hooded cocoonish garment that he had in store.
On the hooded fashion chrysalis he designed for

The Project Runway floor.

And we'll never know for certain if Anya's gown made from a curtain
Would draw overwhelming judges' praise and make them yell for more.

We'll never see the judges' kerfluffles over Kim's weird skirt of ruffles.
And we'll never know if Laura's knock-off dress would make them snore.

We'll never know if Laura's plain, black dress would make the judges snore
Oh, what a bore!

In the face-off 'tween Viktor and Kimberly it was not Viktor who, surprisingly
Managed to send the best look down the Project Runway floor.
Viktor's ruffled feathered dress the judges considered to be quite a mess.
Kimberly's elegant one-shouldered draping pleased the judges more.
The subtle, split bodice and colorful underlay pleased the judges more.
To her, the score.

Deep into that darkness peering, Nina's angry eyes were searing.
"Laura, why so literal from feathers to skinny leggings walking down the floor?"
Anya's sculptural, pleated dress somehow Francisco Costa did impress
So Anya won the money, the Marie Claire ad and the winning score.
Anya's dress beat Laura's for the money, ad and score.

And finally, not to be so curt, we come to the to the match-up of Josh and Bert.
And Josh's simple, draping and bold colors the judges loved much more.
But at the challenge, Bert did scoff and so this week he got the auf.
And Josh is safe, though penniless, at Anya he is sore!
He's got no cash to pay his student loans, boy is he sore!

That's it. No more!

With apologies to Edgar Allen Poe.

Until next week!