Sunday, August 28, 2011

Project Runway Season 9, Episode 5:

Hey there, Project Runway Fans!

Boy, has it been quite a week at Tirare le fila.  First, we had an earthquake...then we had a hurricane... It sort of reminds me of a song.

For the vast majority of you who have not had to worry about having Al Roker and Jim Cantore in your back yard, the Internets erupted over this week's episode.

Has Bunim-Murray taken Project Runway over the shark?

This is the search for the next big fashion designer... sixteen lucky contestants... were picked to live in the Atlas apartment building in New York together and have their lives taped... to find out what happens... when people stop being polite... and start getting critiqued...This is Project Runway!

Sure seems that way, doesn't it?

Did you notice that ever since Heidi got her fashion line with New Balance, we have the mandated episode to plug Heidi's line.  This year, it really went way over the top.

For instance, Heidi is slowing turning into Donna Karan, complete with her own version of Karan's DKNY:

Also, who knew that New Balance had a GYM IN NEW YORK CITY?  Really?  I guess if NYC ever gets the Olympic Games, it could use it as a venue for exciting events like designer races:

Look at that shot.  Almost worthy of ESPN.  Why don't more straight guys watch Project Runway with exciting action like this?

Then again, the winners of this race had to become team leaders--never good.  So it wasn't surprising when someone decided to throw the race.

Down goes Olivier Green!  Can't say that I blame him.

So the whole idea of the challenge was that the designers would work in teams (again!) to produce an outfit for Heidi's line that women could wear with the new sneakers that Heidi designed in a look that could take them from day to evening, using denim or suede or objects found in the gym locker room.  They had 12 hours unless Heidi changed her mind and gave them 14 hours, which didn't matter because the clocks were broken and extra time doesn't matter when no one really knows what the challenge is.

The extra time was for drama.  And all I can think of are hits from the 1980's....

Bert vs. Anthony Ryan, courtesy of the Human League...

You drawing's looking like a waitress in a cocktail bar.  That's all you do.
I picked you for my team cuz you were the last one left.  Not because we respect you.

Now five hours later on I see the same cocktail dress.  That pattern's been so easy for you.
But Laura and I are doing much different looks.  So Heidi will bid you adieu.

No, I don't like this.  You know I can't believe it when you say that this is fashion...

Yes, she's looking like a waitress in a cocktail bar.  That much is true.
At least she isn't wearing sloppy shorts that ride up - straight out of 1982.

We wasted five good hours trying to argue with Bert... The time just flew.

Perhaps if you had spent some time on your own work, I wouldn't have critiques for you!

Heidi vs. Cecilia, courtesy of Soft Cell...

Cecilia thinks that she should (bum bum) go away
She doesn't (bum bum) want to stay
She wants to leave the show and get out of here...

These boring clothes you're making
I see the toll this show is taking.
Pack your things, 
Auf Wiedersehen, that's all...

Becky vs. Josh M., courtesy of Boy George...

Becky: Do you really want to hurt me?  Do you really want to make me cry?
Josh: If my precious words have burned you, you're tired, you just need some shut-eye...

Josh:  I don't really want to hurt you.  I don't really want to make you cry.
Look, I'm standing in the girls' room!  Let's give this team another try...

I didn't say these were any good.  Frankly, nothing about this episode was very good.

OK, Viktor's leather jacket was very good, but I could spend the next 16 minutes capturing and uploading that picture.  Aw heck, go to and see for yourselves.  Even though I saw a lot of fug that would not look good with sneakers, somehow, Heidi thought there were two winners this week: the aforementioned Viktor and our friend, Josh.

No, there were not two aufs, although many of us would have loved to have seen that.  No, instead, the producers decided to replace Cecilia.   They asked the winners to choose who should come back and of course, Josh M. chose Josh C. (did Viktor even get a word in edgewise?) and the Joshes are reunited (and it feels so good...)  Why, then, was Josh M.* so mean to Becky?

Which leads me to the contestant that was auf this week....Danielle.  To me, she was Cecilia without the accent but now with more chiffon.

And this week, given that the parameters of the challenge involved denim and suede and had to be worn with tennis shoes, it's amazing that Danielle gave us this:

"Chiffon?  Again?"
"Maybe if I give it a black trim, Heidi will find it sporty."
"Last week it was chiffon.  The week before that it was chiffon.  I know it's hard to sew, but really, who wears chiffon with tennis shoes?"
"Clearly, my cocktail waitress's drunk friend with the flowy gym shorts that ride up and give her camel toe."

I dunno, peeps.  I gave up an hour and a half of precious hurricane prep time to watch this crazy show.  I could have been filling my bathtub with water, looking under my children's beds for working flashlights and battening down the hatches.   I sacrificed precious time with CNN meteorologist, Chad Meyers as he sat on a stool with his fancy touch maps!

Bumin-Murray, MAKE IT BETTER!  Soon!  Or else, my natural disaster-stricken life will be way more interesting than this show.  And that shouldn't be.

Until next week, come hell or high water (and we have plenty of both) perhaps we can finally sit back and enjoy an individual challenge for a change.  

*Corrections made!